Undated

Satiation.

That is what I have craved these last few suns. Men to bed, blood to spill… memories to forget. These things swirling in my mind, Twelve I am so insatiable. None of it will leave. None of it will let me be. The wind even pushes me, and it I cannot fight. I am lost in this back and forth.

Things to note… things to note… things to note…

Gerik the Highlander is well. Asked me to train him. My mind is too chaotic to think of a proper regimen. We are going to die anyways.
So instead we dance.
I think we danced.
… did we?

A man did not understand me, but such acts need no understanding.
I forgot his name already.
What… what was it…?

Aylis. Almaz. They live there now, it wretched my heart out.
I wanted to burn it down.
I wanted to burn that house down.
But I will not kill them. They were kind.
I found what I was looking for, my pistol for one.
Perhaps I am thinking… that I can end it myself.
Barrel to the temple.
Stare at the sky.
Smile once more.
And pull the trigger.

It sounds easy.

Eva is not the same. I am not the same.
She looked at me, I felt like she pitied me.
I wanted to tell her I deserved it all.
I actually don’t remember what I said.

The man though.
My kin.
My kin?
No… no.
Not even a soldier like me.
He does not understand.
He is still blinded by what I had seen before.
Love in these fields.
Comfort.
Home.
No… no.
He will find the true despair, worse than that of the Empire we both called home.
It does not truly matter… none of it really does.

The pressure in my head is only getting worse.
Screaming at me.
The pain is the worst.
Squeezing.
Aching.
Screaming.
Bleedi-
Cryi-
Ple-
Gr-

(The words beyond this point are illegible and scribbled roughly in the parchment, curving off to the side and angled oddly.)