He wore full plate, impenetrable, that magnificent sword before him striking down the pests before us as if swatting flies. I came only armed with my magic, more worried what I would do with an actual weapon if things went awry, verbally, between the two of us.It was simple conversation, investigation. I was cold, so cold.
He knew, even if I hid my eyes behind a mask.
I confronted Galvadan, seduced him moons before. I got the painful truth, what I could not finish writing above.
He drinks me away. I cause him pain, enough so he must forget me… the boys…
I nearly killed Galvadan that eve, I wanted to, I so wanted to. The blood on my hands had to make me feel better, right? That’s what they taught me.
It was so hard not to burst in to tears over the Elezen man I had seduced, who I had tricked in to bed only to corner him and demand my answers. He is so damn stubborn, I think he truly loves me.
Like so many fools before him.
I do not think he will ever really understand, no matter how much I say it. I love Shurin… no matter how much pain that brings.
I do not think Shurin knew that I went out and did this. So, when we finally emerged from that stuffy cave, the smell of death and the deafening ring of ‘tek behind us… he turned, I knew what was coming.
The confrontation neither of us wished to start, about as safe as being down a hole with naught but archers above you.
We had to stop this.
Why was I being like this?
Like what?
Cold, like unbreaking ice.
Cold, dead, lifeless…
Because of him.
I ran… I ALWAYS run.
It was late, so dark… I had my daggers in my pack, I slipped them where they belonged.
Half ran, half walked… down the winding trails through the forest towards Coerthas, towards home. I killed any creature in my path, I was lucky… it was so late, and raining… no adventurer crossed my path.
I was blind, all I was was red, all I smelt was death, betrayal… which smells oddly akin to death.
I was close to Coerthas, where at least I could loosen my hair, run and clear my head, let the wind drown me. I never made it that far before things fell apart.
I was running, a bend in the road before me, I literally ran in to the group of them. Red and black, Imperials.
They saw me, startled as I was… but one of them recognized me. He shouted in shock… I still hear it ringing in my ears.
‘Snow!’
I do not know how he knew me. Perhaps we fought together. It did not matter, that was the last thing he said before my blade slammed in to his neck, ripping apart his throat as I twisted. He could not even scream, his blood spattering all over me.
There were seven in total. The rest must have been green, if soldiers at all. They ran back, attempted to escape through the forest. The slopes were to high I think, I came after them, planted a knife in the back of the one with the pistol as he fumbled to draw. Turned, so quick that it all seems like a dream. Slashed the face of another, he went down, howling in pain but not dead. One of them tried to pull a sword, it made it half out of the scabbard before its wielder had his belly split open. Another came at me, I dodged, let him pass me, killed the engineer cowering behind him without much meaning to. I was out of control, lost, screaming… I do not remember if it was in Eorzean. Another dead, I just remember he grabbed at my shirt, ripped it. Then shots, someone pulled out that sword, a gunblade, but was no good with it unlike the dead man. Grazed my shoulder, sliced at my back, I parried with my tiny blade, struggling, panting, thrust him back, he stabbed as I spun, sliced my belly, my shirt hardly clinging to flesh beaded with sweat and dripping with blood not my own. I managed to kill him, broke his hand, his nose… my blade must have found something vital.
The rest of it was too blurred… they lay dead, one merely dying.
I stood there, watched him gasp for his last breathes. My own breathing matched his as we locked eyes… but when he took his last and ceased… I continued to breathe… alive.
I remember him, if anything, vividly. Brown hair cut short, choppy. He was young, if I had to guess, he had not hit his twentieth cycle. His eyes were green, like the forest floor he laid down to die on. Except that grass was red, stained with the blood leaking from his throat… a sloppy cut on my part.
And then I was no longer alone with those dead Imperials, my own brethren slaughtered. I turned, and who else stood there but Galvadan.
I was covered in blood, clothes torn and indecent. But I was not sated. The blood was not enough, I did not feel better.
He spoke, I told him to leave. Twelve, I SCREAMED at him, screamed and screamed and screamed but he would not listen. He moved closer, I grew defensive, swiped at him, cut him. He would not leave, I wanted him gone, I wanted to be alone and cry, and I could not do that in front of him.
He advanced, I pushed and slashed, soon he was on the ground bleeding, hardly as much as I was. My arm was limp, hurt so bad I had to use my other palm to strike out.
Others came! How?! So late at night, wandering by? Thinking now it doesn’t make sense… Galvadan called them, but why? They just stood there, looking like fools. I would not strike them all, I just wanted to be left, heh… that foolish man.
I felt caged, enclosed. Galvadan approached, another man as well. Words, I do not recall. I lashed out, I did not want to be touched. I think I screamed at them, my throat hurts so much. I aimed my blade for his palm, but met resistance not at all like flesh and muscle. Metal, that connection brought me half back from oblivion.
Did I lose my dagger then to him? Something pulls at my mind even now thinking of that metal, of that voice, but then it breaks as Galvadan forces himself in to my mind.
I resist, strike out… flee.
I am still running away, even though I walk past them all, seeing them as nothing but possible enemies, should they touch me, should they move any closer…
I found myself under a tree, Coerthas finally. The pain caught up with me, the wounds… the terrible ache in my chest. The battle only briefly relieved me of it…
Then again he approached, that man. I focused on him like I did the dying boy… older this one, muscled frame, goggles…
We spoke for a time, he told me his name. I was so quiet, starring, trying to hide my pain. He saw me for what I was… seemed upset I had killed that engineer. I think… we are somewhat alike, but how I know not.
He gave me supplies, offered his chocobo but I declined. Then he was on his way…
Endemerrin Rosethorne…
The walk home was long, painful. But I made it. The boys were already in bed. I thanked the old woman who was hesitant to leave but did… and collapsed on the living-room floor to finally rest.
10th Sun, 1st Umbral Moon, 1572
Deirdre Ta'ea 