Time makes fools of us all, and most of all me. The things we do seem so insignificant as the suns pass… and then they amass, and begin to roll everything we know.
Past, present, future. Each causes too much pain. When did life become so difficult to live?
Shurin hardly stayed after that night, but most of it remains a blur. Was he just a blur? It felt like it. Like he is some kind of spirit, constantly floating about my house.
I am trying to move past, move forward, but every time I do I lose my mind…
I spoke with Ildorath, he took me out.
That place… at first… it was fun…
And then I started thinking I was back home, back in the arms of soldiers drunk on booze and blood-lust.
I was frozen, could not move. I wanted to sob and wail, but in this place full of people, no one would truly hear me.
I ran.
I always run.
For a time after that it was quiet. The boys were good, as they usually are. They begged me to go outside, but I did not want to.
At least they have stopped screaming his name, for now.
I want my confidence back. I want to walk around with my head high and not just be faking everything. The more I stay in Eorzea, this place, the more I realize how much alike my past and present have become.
My nameday went unnoticed again, something I am used to-
There is someone knocking at the door. I best leave the rest for later…
9th Sun, 1st Umbral Moon, 1572
Deirdre Ta'ea 