12th Sun, 5th Astral Moon, 1571

Change can not begin to describe it.

The Guard is no more, a surprise to myself. I have not spoken with or seen the Commander, I do not know why. Oskar told me of the posting, I’ve yet to go see it myself. Perhaps it is my past rising up to the surface of the water, move forward and continue, no sense to dawn upon it.

The Guard dies, the Everwatch is born. Just move forward…

I want to kill something. I’ve not trained in so long, not fought for my life every other tick… trapped in this house. The next I do go out, it will be a bloodbath. I have to, or I’ll be worthless.

My mind is unstable, I’ve found. Blackness- no, redness. Like fury, overtaking everything in my head. Calm one moment, smiling even… why do I snap so quickly?
More frequently I think about stabbing Oskar… such a bad sign.

What do I even want?!
I need to make up my damned mind. I sent that stupid letter without thinking, I should have kept it.
Too many letters sent now, I don’t know what they will bring. Twelve, I don’t know anything.

Too much conflict, I don’t want to write about it.

(The bold is written in Garlean.)

I think I’m going crazy.

12th Sun, 5th Astral Moon, 1571