1st Sun, 5th Astral Moon, 1571

How things change so quickly… I have resigned my position as Captain as a result of the Council held suns ago.
A new moon… I walk through the streets and people speak of change. New moons bring about such things, ‘change’… but change and I are not friends, we do not invite each other in to our homes. Change for me is a stubborn thing… something I never really had. It was always move, flow and ebb with the suns. Continue forward, keep marching… should that be the way it is now?

I find myself at a crossroads. Literally and figuratively. I sit in the streets of Ul’dah now, a path to my left and one at my right, one even before me. Do I wish to leave the city? A gate is before me. Should I wander to the Guard office? At my right. Or the Adventurers Guild? To my left…

Return home…
Remain with the Guard…
Neither…?

There is so much to think of, nothing is simple anymore.

Oskar… I feel deeper affection to him each passing sun. When did I lose so much control? When did I begin relying on him… or have I always done so? I would run to him, looking for a fight, looking for release and as I screamed and hit and struggled… he was always there.
Twelve… could I go to bed without him at night? He makes me so weak, and I keep trying to cover it up.

Then there’s him… one I have not thought about in suns. Shurin… I wonder how he is now, where he is now. I’ve lost him forever… lost what we were. It still hurts seeing his name written down, thinking about him. I have to stop because I just… cannot.

Eva… Twelve she’s been such a blessing. I wish she were my kin, for I feel closer to her than the fading bonds of my past… of my village and my own race. I wish I knew her better, wish I could be better myself for her. I’ve always been able to share my burdens with her, and she has been to kind to listen, to comfort… have I ever done the same for her? How cruel am I that I do not think of a woman who has become like my sister. I cannot allow that, I must make sure this woman I care for comes to no harm.

There is a woman I miss. Rhio… since that night I told Oskar what she did, and he confronted her… it’s like nothing has been the same. I do mot want her held at a distance, I know her feelings are of no harm… and I know I need her as a friend. I’ve been out of touch… hidden since my decision. I have to find her, beg her to forgive me… I miss her…
I’ve made both her and Oskar presents… I hope they like them…

I trained with Shien last sun, wore me down like never before but I expected as much out of the aetherial training. I am horrible at it, it makes my legs in to glue and my vision blur… I am no good at it and it was an unfortunate display for the recruit. She has grown strong, and under the guidance of Oskar I am not surprised. With such drive… I know she will go far.
She said she ‘needs’ me… when she found out… do they really, or have I coddled them too much? I know not how to take such a statement… have I failed?

Missing recruits, training, events, reports… let the Commander deal with it now. I just hope those recruits know I am still here for them… no matter my decision.

Left…
Right…
Forward…

And then I tilt my head back and look up, and again wonder…

If I could go up… how tall would the sky be?

1st Sun, 5th Astral Moon, 1571