Love… is something I never thought I would be keen on again. It is an unending battle and a complete submission, a sad song and a tale untold… it is good and bad but mostly… it is intoxicating. Better than any drug, better than any substance, the high fills your head lifts you off the very ground. You feel light, unstoppable… whole.
Whole…
I am glad I feel whole again.
I met him on the pier, where I has sat starring at the sea, starring at the ships, starring at nothing always thinking of him. Your mind is uncontrollable then, completely out of your grasp. Words are so hard to describe such a feeling.
Yes, I met him on those docks. He returned, from checking on his ship, on the vessel that took him away from me, on the wood that protected him. Our conversations are so natural now, he seems much more relaxed, under the sun with his tanned skin. We rented a room, ate breakfast, drank tea.
Twelve… we flirted like youths. Little kisses, fleeting touches and cheek blushes…
Then, a bright idea. A night-ship tour. A favour owed. I went along with the idea.
We set sail late in the sun and by the time the sea swallowed the light sky, the party was in full swing. I drank, the ale tasted so terrible on my tongue but I did it anyways. So many sirens, so many women, and men! Just, people, as if this ship could have been the streets of Ul’dah! We danced about the planks, sang old sailor songs (I learnt a few!) and told stories. The torches burned, the ale never stopped flowing. There were people playing cards, people throwing up, people kissing and laughing and talking-
There were also women flirting. Flitting about nearly naked… mounds of breasts displayed like meat in a market. They made me furious, touching him as if I could not see, begging him to ‘assist them with their underclothing’. Everyone’s underclothing was too tight, I guessed.
I hit one, threw another overboard. This stopped them for a while.
We spoke of the sky, of ships, of anything that came to mind but not the future. No, not even the past.
Shurin got in a knife fight with a quartet of mauraders who thought it wise to check if I was wearing underclothing beyond my skirt. Of course, a few drunk fools against him was hardly a fair fight… for them.
Yet, instead of turning in to a bloodbath bets were being placed. Cheers, boos and shouts of ‘Jab! Jab’ and ‘No DUCK you fool!’ rose instead of groans or blood-lusting screams. My heart pounding so deafening, taking it all in before joining the cheers, the silver hair scattering about with each skilled move… that grin erasable from his lips.
It was almost early morn before we retired, spent from the night. I do not remember how we got the room, or how long I slept. I just briefly closed my eyes… and when I awoke he was laying beside me… so calmed and peaceful.
He looks so happy when he is like this, completely relaxed, so carefree… I wish I could make him the same each sun, if only for a few moments.
I could not help but touch him, I could not help but kiss him.
He roused, he held me so close.
We made love, for the first time in so many moons.
Being with Shurin… is not like being with other men. I feel whole, complete… perfect. That high is indescribable. It is like every single sun leads up to the very moment I am with him; the end. It is something about the way his skin feels against mine, or the change of his voice when he speaks only to me… it is in the way his body lusts for me and mine for him, in the way his eyes look afterwards.
His arms, clutching me close and protecting me…
His heartbeat… in time with mine…
And this night I promise to remember, even when it is painful. For I now know what it is like to have loved and lost… and gotten a second chance.
16th Sun, 1st Umbral Moon, 1572
Deirdre Ta'ea 