It has been too long since I’ve written. To be honest, I’ve forgotten about this journal. It was tucked away in a box, and only now in opening it, in trying to find a place for the meager possessions I have, I come across the desire to write, to recount.
There is little to say, and I can write this but I know I may continue, scrawl and scrawl until one of the babes wake, perhaps even after. Many things have happened, so many I am afraid I will forget them all, that they will begin to replace the long gone memories I do not want to lose.
I am nearly seven moons with child. I am likely to birth soon, and thankfully so. The babe is hindering me… battle I am useless, mundane tasks I am useless. My body betrays me more like this than ever before in battle, when steel is drawn up. Too close I have been to losing this child… and it is something I cannot do. No matter the burden on my life, on myself, I cannot let go of something that’s been growing within me for so long. I am the only thing protecting it… and I should not need to protect it from myself.
Yet… I wish someone was there to protect me.
The Everwatch is taking an interesting turn, down in to the Black. Shadow was surprised to hear from me, and rightfully so… I must be careful what comes of our renewed relationship. But hopefully the paths we begin to take as a group begin aligning with the things I want… and even those things are still very blurred like water over ink.
Gil is of no concern for the moment. I’ve bought the house back, had a few villagers assisting me with the move… not that I had much to move. Mostly toys, gear and weapons. The boys have their own room though, or the beginning of one. They sleep with me for now until I can get things organized, which should begin next eve. There’s still so much to do before I will be happy with it… but it is a start.
The old couple next door was happy to see me return, and commented how the boys have grown. They truly have, no longer can I carry them together around The Shroud in a bag. Though there were many questions about Shurin… most of which I painfully avoided. I think they understood my pain, even though I did not mean to show it, my emotions have become hard to contain, even more so as of late.
I promised this would be our home, and I did some horrible things to make a place for us… maybe one sun those things will pay off. At least the boys have open air now, and soon they will have beds of their own. They look so much like their father.
Crane is stirring, so I best set this aside, all he wishes to do recently is run around, as if not even the Twelve could stop him. I will write again soon.
31st Sun, 6th Umbral Moon, 1571
Deirdre Ta'ea 